Irish Music and Dance: Dunguaire castle, Bunratty, and Vaughan's

Melissa5 · Guru

Irish Music and Dance: Dunguaire castle, Bunratty, and Vaughan's

Green Dragon · Guru

If I'm back in time before you leave (though I think our trips overlap) I'll let you know how I liked the corn barn thing, as we're planning on doing that :)

As for the rest, I think you're overplanning what should be a fun, spontaneous thing. Sure, have some options available, but it may be you find the perfect pub with great singing and dancing your first try, and go back every night you're in town :) Don't limit yourself by having to try EACH one! And other people might feel different about a place than you do. What's fun for me could be BORING for you and vice versa. Isn't the fun in discovering the places yourself?

Melissa5 · Guru

Green Dragon, spontaneous doesn't work for our family trips, because we have conflicting interests, and unplanned spontaneous moments equal family feud time for us! If nothing is planned, a struggle for control ensues, and basically everyone loses... What might have been a good time is spoiled by arguments and power-plays.

Instead, here is how I solve the problem of planning vs. need for spontaneity, without the fighting.

I poll everybody in the family, and keep their interests and needs in mind for each trip. I promise everybody to include as much of their favorites as I can, but make them understand they cannot have everything they want.

Next, I make sure our "togetherness" schedule includes something that each person enjoys. They understand they have to put up with someone else's choice gracefully and they will have their turn. This eliminates the fighting and grumbling.

Finally, I actually "plan" our spontaneous time! What I mean is, I allow some unplanned time in every day. Everyone can do whatever they want with their unplanned time, including splitting up. (Although I haven't previously allowed daughters to go off alone without either father, mother, or big brother...) I make sure we are staying someplace where spontaneous activities are possible for each person.

On a 2-week trip, I sometimes have 2 whole days which are entirely "free choice" with nothing planned.

All this planning produces peaceful and joyful trips...when we used to try to be spontaneous, we would end up fighting most of the time! My hubby's strongest virtue is he is a very strong person whom you can rely on. My hubby's vice is...yeah, he has a very STRONG personality..and together we have produced some very strong-willed young adult daughters who aren't a bit afraid of him! So without my clever planning, there is too much head-butting on vacation!

Green Dragon, I know you mean well, you are only trying to advise me so we can have a fun trip. I provided this explanation of our plans partly so you would understand; and partly for anybody who is reading this who recognizes their family as having similar dilemmas to solve.

I have noticed that since my daughters and my son have always been required to be respectful of their parents, but at the same time they have been allowed to disagree and stick up for their rights, they have grown into young people who respect others but don't take any crap from other people. My older daughter's feisty stubbornness helped her to resist the efforts of senior boys to entice her to try alcohol when she was a cute little freshman in high school for example! (Yeah, there are some benefits to having a strong-willed feisty family...)

Sometimes my plans include choices, such as if I find there are 2 good pubs nearby, I can give the family a choice. But leaving things too loose simply produces arguing and side-taking and hurt feelings. If everyone agreed to a spontaneous choice, which differs from our "schedule", I would have no problem with that. However, it never happens! With 5 people who are so different, and all very dear to me, spontaneous agreement is just impossible.

To make matters even more complicated, I perceive that my hubby and one of my daughters actually seem to thrive on family conflict; to them it is a challenge. But my younger daughter and I hate family conflict and prefer peace and compromise. My son varies, sometimes enjoying arguments, sometimes preferring to play peacemaker.

Green Dragon, you might be surprised at how much I need to plan, unless I want to allow public displays of family arguments! For example, in Costa Rica, my older young adult daughter and my husband argued publicly about who got the best seat in a restaurant, while the waiter was still standing there holding the menus! My older daughter had already begun to seat herself in the seat when my husband decided it was his seat and nudged her aside. Argument ensued. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I had to make a rule to avoid this embarassing display in the future. If hubby insists on having the best seat he has to declare his seat before we enter the restaurant. Once we enter the restaurant, seats are first come, first served, if he hasn't spoken up ahead of time. This works!

Michele Erdvig · Host

Melissa,

It sounds like all your ducks are in a row.

Since your husband doesn't like group entertainments just stick to the Dunguaire banquet and skip Bunratty Traditional Irish Night this time. The Dunguaire banquet doesn't have dancing because it is just too small. There is a stage at Trad Night, which is why they can have dancing.

Set dancing is great fun and very energetic! As one B&B owner told me "You have to learn it from infancy". That doesn't mean you can't try it out. It is fun to watch too. I'll never forget going to a set dance with friends and watching them have a ball. Later on they told me the musicians were "merciless" because they had them hopping all night with no breaks. If you did that every night you would have an excellent aerobic workout.

Have fun!

Michele

-- Edited by Michele Erdvig at 00:50, 2006-03-04

Green Dragon · Guru

Melissa, you are quite right -- family trips require much more planning ahead than friend trips! I hadn't thought about that when I replied... mea culpa! :)

You plan as much as you want, and as deeply as you need... you will have fun regardless, because it's IRELAND!!!!!

Melissa5 · Guru

Green Dragon, I agree that trips with friends can be much more spontaneous...we actually get to CHOOSE our friends, and we normally choose friends with similar interests, or friends who are compatible with our life-style.

But we don't choose our family...well yes I chose my hubby...but our kids certainly didn't get to vote on which family they would get born into! So we are all a wonderful surprise package to each other!

I love the challenges of family. One thing that makes me feel good is that after all these years of me trying to balance everyone's needs and making efforts to teach respect for the differing needs of others in the family...now that my "kids" are all 3 between the ages of 18 and 24, I am now seeing the signs that they really are starting to "get it"...they are growing into adults who can respect the needs of others! Yay!

But hey, I keep a sense of humor about the head-butting that still goes on.

Anyway have a great trip with your friends, Green Dragon! Your upcoming trip is with friends, right? That's a great opportunity. My son will be taking his first international trip with friends next summer...he's goin' to tour Vietnam by moto scooter with his friends! It will be a great adventure, and his friends speak Vietnamese, which will be a tremendous advantage.

I wish I had travelled more with friends when I was young...I wasn't adventurous enough. I am hoping now that my young 'uns are young adults, I can take a future return trip to Ireland with a friend and see it a whole new way. Meanwhile I'm very excited about our family trip to Ireland!

And then of course I've gotta persuade hubby to take a return trip to Ireland, just the 2 of us. Then I will stay at more romantic places, some of them more remote than the places I am choosing for the family trip. Michele found a great place on a beach on one of those islands, either Clare island or Achill island, off the coast of County Clare. I have my eye on that one for the perfect romantic getaway for hubby and I someday!

Nice talking to ya, Green Dragon. I'll be looking forward to your second trip report, and let us know how Ireland with family is different from Ireland with friends.

Melissa5 · Guru

Michele, yep, I keep them quacking, or maybe they've got me quacking up! Love your ducks.

I know you're right, it would be really pushing hubby too hard to sign him up for 2 organized Irish nights. He is already feeling very leary about just one. But he goes along with it for me, as he knows I will fit his favorite things into the trip too.

Set dancing sounds great, I love to watch dancing that is "fun and energetic", and hopefully nobody will laugh if I give it a try. Glad to hear you enjoyed watching your friends dance, as I plan to do a lot of watching. Did you have a chance to try out the set dancing yourself? How about your hubby, did he try it out?

I have the set dancing at Vaughan's in Kilfenora on my list. In case for some reason we miss that or it gets cancelled, do you know of any other set dancing in County Clare, Dingle, or Westport areas?

Everything that I look forward to is always accompanied by a little twinge of worry. (The kids say I'm the family worrier after all.) My hubby is a very competent driver and nothing phases him. He drove on the left side of the narrow road on the island of St. Kitts recently. Do you think he will be fine driving from Vaughan's after the set dancing back to Drumcreehy House in Ballyvaughan in the dark?

I picked Drumcreehy House for the good food, nice hosts, and for the location, hopefully convenient for driving at night when returning from Dunguaire castle medieval banquet; back from Vaughan's in Kilfenora; and back from the Cliffs of Moher in the late afternoon/evening. (Also I understand Drumcreehy house in Ballyvaughan will be convenient to the Burren and the Ailwee caves.)

Getting excited to experience Ireland! I have so many Irish books to read here I can hardly get started. Also am starting to collect Irish music.

Thanks for everyone's help and the fun chats!

Green Dragon · Guru

The first time I visited Ireland it was alone for three days (trip report just written for this 1996 trip and in the Trip Reports forum). That was great, especially as it was my first time, and I didn't have to cater to ANYONE else's schedule.

The second trip was with family -- husband and parents. Again, I was allowed to do most of the planning, and dad was willing to foot the bill. We stayed at a timeshare he traded for. I found I felt bad if they didn't enjoy something I've planned, but finally learned that it isn't ALL my fault :P

The third trip is this summer with two girlfriends I've known for over 15 years (20 years, one of them). Again, I'm doing most of the planning, though they've put in some requests for places to see, things to do.

I'll let you know how different it is!

Michele Erdvig · Host

Melissa,

Glad you liked the Irish step dancing ducks. Now all I need is music! My husband and I actually didn't do any set dancing. We both have two left feet. Also, we had seen set dancing before and realized that we would just get in the way (and possibly trip others!). It is fast and furious. If you try your hand...errr....feet at it try for an area on the outskirts of the crowd so as not to impede the others. However, the Irish have great senses of humor. You may find yourselves the hit of the party. AKA, Crazy Yanks!

I don't think you need worry about driving in pitch darkness since twilight lasts till almost 11 pm. The coast road is twisty so just take your time and you will be fine.

Michele

Melissa5 · Guru

Hi Green Dragon, my Pop never liked travel. He is a real home-body. Your family is fortunate to have been able to travel to Ireland together.

I owe it to my hubby that I love to travel now. When I married him I was like my Dad, afraid to travel. But I did it for hubby. Now we both love it! I'm glad we already have passed that yearning for travel on to our son and 2 daughters.

My older daughter wants to marry an Irishman! I think it's funny because "he" has been chosen for his accent. (No, there isn't anyone specific yet. She's in the process of breaking up with her ex-boyfriend, who is NOT Irish.) She has already asked me what happens if she travels to Ireland and marries an Irishman and has her kids over in Ireland, what will I do. (I think she wants me to move to Ireland so I can be the Grandma for these mythical Irish kids of hers.) Anyway we'll see what she thinks when she chats with the lads in the Irish pubs! I think she will find they are the same everywhere. She has already declared that there isn't even 1 mature young man in her entire college. She says they all make her feel like a piece of meat on the market and therefore she can't even dare to get flirty. Guys, where is your chivalry?!

Green Dragon, so this will be your 3rd trip, very cool. Planning your 4th yet?

Melissa5 · Guru

Michele, okay, if I decide to jump into that fast and furious Irish set dancing tide, I will stay on the outskirts, good idea! Maybe I will just watch. A lot of tourists want to learn a little dancing. They should offer an evening where you watch some dancing and then they teach you how. Lots of people would sign up. I would!

I won't be able to catch on if it's fast. I seem to be spatially impared. If I try to drive around the block I forget where I began. Stationary objects in my world seem to move about so that I can never get my bearings. It's like living on a merry-go-round. I can only learn new dance steps if they teach me slow.

But I am still looking forward to hearing the music, watching the skilled dancers, and soaking up a little more Irish!

You say the coast road is twisty, the one we'd have to take to return at night to Drumcreehy House, Ballyvaughan. Please tell me there isn't a sheer drop-off on one side, where you are inches from plunging your car off the steep cliff down to the rocky sea below!

Hubby has driven on lots of mountain curves, but I sure don't like it when there's a drop-off...

wojazz3 · Guru

Cruise's Pub in Ennis has a very good reputation for fine trad. I'll be trying the Cobblestone in June in Dublin. It's supposed to be excellent and off the beaten path. I'll let you all know.

Bill

Melissa5 · Guru

Thanks, Bill. I'll make a note about Cruise's pub in Ennis. Have fun at Cobblestone in June.

I've discovered that playing the Chieftains' lively music makes me faster in the kitchen when I'm cooking dinner, and puts a little Irish "zing" in my pasta sauce!